1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
