Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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