he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
third nipple confirmed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
