Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
