yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
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