I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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