so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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