I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
