based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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