one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
