My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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