awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
