I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
