so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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