before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
