I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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