I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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