Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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