I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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