Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
