You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
