I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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