doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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