We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
