I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
