I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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