Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
