She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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