you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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