nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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