I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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