It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
sex in a hospital.. check
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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