Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
false alarm. still invincible.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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