does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
