so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
