I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize