I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
