why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Houston, we have a squirter
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
