No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
