he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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