I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
