Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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