6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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