so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I love you.
Bad choice
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