totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
