I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
