Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
