Kiss
Puke
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The air was thick with penises
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
