How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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