nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
