never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
