Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
