im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
