this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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