Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A bitchslap is in order.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
