found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
