you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
