After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
