So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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