I got chris browned last night
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.