His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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