I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.