If that was your dad, he is hot
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.